2:39 in the morning. If there were a trigger in my brain to turn everything that keeps me nocturnal off, I would claim it. Unfortunately, God gave me the, "i have too many thoughts happening all at once 24/7" gene, and it causes me to lose sleep. When I was a little girl, I channeled these thoughts and feelings appropriately, in my diary. I did this for a long time until a year and a half ago where events happened in my life and my writing began to subside. I've been encouraged recently to start writing again, and this time sharing it. Its an outlet to express the things I don't understand and that I have a tendency to keep hidden behind the phenomenon of make believe. Thanks to a beautiful leather bound journal from Italy, the loving push from my parents and the inability to fall asleep due to this feeling I'm unable to name, I started typing tonight.

Surrendering the root? The name that came to me. Recognizing that there is a root and beginning to the soul ties and misunderstandings and confusion and feeling and direction and oxygen that breathes into my heart. Now, needing to surrender it all and let the root follow its natural course...to grow into something beautiful. My faith has become an inescapable source of life. There is no more running, God's caught me where He wants me. I feel like putty. It's kind of fun, except I'm not the kindergartner in control of the shape it takes this time.