I really didn't see my purpose here this summer. I came and I felt like a ship barren at shore. I asked God to take me home on the first day. I wrestled him in every spot I remembered old things. Friends and family back home would call and check in and ask me how it feels to be back, round three. My answer for the beginning while was, empty and alone. I wasn't really a student. Mr. Scotts secretary sounded like I've been out of college for 10 years. And nanny didn't work, cause I'm in love with the two year old. God knew though. His grace is so rich, and I'm so undeserving.
In the last month, he's eased what felt helpless. It hasn't gone away, as my heart is real and flesh, but he's covered it with blessings abounding. These stories are examples,
Elijah. I will cry when he leaves. Inevitable. Oh how he has made his way into my heart. More than that, I see Jesus in him. I see the man he can be. The man I never let any of the men who mattered in my heart actually be. Christ has humbled me so much through the way that he learns and speaks and his eagerness for adventure and fighting for himself [even if its to ride down in the truck we start with a screwdriver with "Cark" the "gobage man"]. He's a warrior in the making. I have loved four real men in my life. My father, my brother, my other brother and a friend. Now its up to five :) Bring on the spiritual battle.
(he loves to (try) to take pictures. very independent)
Then the ladies. Ugh. Why don't I embrace friendship with beautiful women? I have resisted it so much. Thank Him for breaking that limitation in my life this summer. I use to stray away in my weakness and insecurities. The lies that the world feeds us, it keeps us from deep fellowship. My friends Christine and Diana, a la bottom, are some of the many. Down to earth. Tangible. And they like to snuggle. Perfect match. The way that all of these girls have been used in my life the last month is untouchable. To hear tonight from them, "you are strong"...what an encouragement. I never feel strong, but it is He that makes me strong. And its seen? God, you are moving so freely here.
Then there's my family. Blood family and spiritual family. I got a letter from my mom in the mail. (along with many other things of love). And, well she's the best. She teaches me that brokenness is okay. She fights for my hurt. But more so, she urges me towards healing and God's best. Our limited view can be painful, but we are graced with people that help us see beyond ourselves and the minutes we live inside and to live forward in confidence that all hearts will be restored to their fullness.
Love you momma,
p.s. her and dad are celebrating their 25 years of God's faithfulness in Bermuda. The place where they saw their first many moons together, as she says. They've been through alot, but they shine.
living loved,
m
